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Comments
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And being set in Melbourne made me smile….wife and I lived there for several years in the early 90s while I was transferred there by my company for a while — “seconded” I think you Aussies say? Anyway, of course, I wish you had inserted a bit more about Melbourne in your story. The bit with the “pengies” was a great memory — but how did you not make a mention of Melbourne’s ubiquitous trams (streetcars for me fellow Yanks) and needing to know about “hook turns” if driving in the CBD 😎
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Thanks again for the story. Having him and Iona adopt Candice’s baby was an interesting twist…that worked.
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5 *****
The 750 word story is a difficult beast to tame especially when it moves through several scenes like this one. Too many words get ‘wasted’ on description. My first draft was 1100 words. Obviously it means there are places where you have to read between the lines to get gist of what’s going on.
Great to see Harry from VA back. Re timeline Harry, most CBD bars I've been to empty out pretty quickly on Friday afternoon. Many close their doors for the weekend at 8 on Friday night. I did have a sentence spelling that out but it didn't survive the edit process.
Till next time cheers!
CharlieB4
Yes, I am writing again, but its mostly new stuff - sorry. I do have plenty of Life as a New Hire ... but I've only gotten to the dinner before the Great Hunt (where everybody meets everyone; both hunters and prey), not the hunting itself. There is also a nice little scene (which might not make the final cut) of Aya as Queen ~ she gets daily briefings on the activities of the Amazon Host plus still has to do her homework too. Remember - she does rule with absolute authority over an army of 40,000+ fanatics who view her as imbued with a Divine Right to command them ... which is a huge burden for those tiny shoulders. Thankfully she has her 'Atta' who will always be there for her when she needs him most ... and a new friend, the Great Khan, who truly sympathizes with her plight.
My next release will most likely be WMD 5 as that is in the best place (in my mind) for consumption. After that - possibly some new stuff.
As a note: I do review stories which get comments, or are favored, with the intent of renewing them if possible. I do care for all of your inputs.
Physically: I'm taking CBD oil and a new pain-killer which allows me more mobility which, in turn, permits me to get more done in the day and (most recently) sleep better. Trust me, getting by during a week in which I was only getting 3 hours of sleep a night truly sucked. The nerve centers in my feet are more suffering through a constant ache now as opposed to the old knife-like stabbing sensations I used to experience constantly. Woot!
Emotionally: Meh ... I've done better, but I've done a whole lot worse too. I have more good days than bad so I'm counting my blessings and moving on.
Logistically: We have a new puppy in the house ~ a Jack Russel/Whippet mix who is about 5 months old and who likes to jump on me at odd times (or dance on my feet when I'm trying to ignore him ... hehehe ...). After a rough start, he his finally getting along with my other two dogs though they occasionally still have 'dust-ups' when the biggest (and oldest) is feeling territorial and the puppy just won't respect his space.
I want to express a special 'Thank You' to both my editors who have stuck with me through my long drought. I appreciate it, Fellas!
I do hope everyone has enjoyed this tale. The next section will involve Kerry ... finally ... for those who have asked about her.
Otherwise, thank you for your votes, favs and comments. Take care everyone.
James aka FinalStand
Still proving your non-Aussie credentials, huh?
Let's see:
1. In Aus, a pre-nup is taking into account by the courts in a divorce. But it's not a blinding contract. So it the contract said she leaves with nothing then the judge will say stuff that and determine what she leaves with. We don't really care about the people getting married. We care about the kids and that no one starves in the street. This reoccurs later with “Based on the prenuptial agreement, Candice walked away with” – no one cares what your US style pre-nup says. Pay your spouse a decent wage you asshole.
2. In Aus, it's always an irreconcilable reasons divorce. It's lovely you got proof she's screwing around, but, again, we're about making sure no one starves. Typically, it's for no more than 2 years - long enough for the person getting it to be retrained or accept their SOL (Shit-Out-of-Luck).
3. Why on earth would the divorcee sue their wife's workplace?! I mean their own is covered by hostile work environment, but if your wife is shagging everyone under the sun at her work that's really her problem, not yours. Doing them for harassment would be a sexual harassment case that would need to be brought by her(!) not a case that your marriage was stuffed with by someone she slept with. I'm also pretty certain that morals clauses are a work of fiction here and, if they existed, would be between the people signing not same rando off the street (like her husband!). Then later “He managed to get judgements against both mine and Candice's old workplaces” – for what? Being horny? That’s a standard part of Aussie life. It’s just sexual harassment that’ll get you in trouble. “Fucking someone else’s wife” a) hasn’t been a charge for ages; and b) was never a charge you get to charge. This is like charging “I’m very angry” and expecting to get a payout. If you’re thinking “but they’ll pay it to avoid publicity” then welcome to the world of suppression orders. Plus the average Aussie couldn’t care less about “rich prick X fucking stupid cunt Y”.
4. There is no George St in the CBD. But there is a William. This is fine, I don't expect you to use Google Maps. Just saying really.
5. penguins down near Phillip Island you have done some basic research. Well done. Seriously. This is the shit we send people from overseas to see. I'm sorry.
6. canary yellow 2019 Mustang Do you know how rare Mustangs are here? I've seen a handful in my life. It's not like their converted to right hand drive often and driving left hand drive in Australia needs special permits. Just drive a European or Japanese car like everyone else. The average Aussie has never been in one and probably doesn't remember the one time they saw one on the road. It's a horse symbol as the brand mark, right?
7. Iona has a German accent after moving to Australia when she was 4?! Seriously? How do you maintain that? Does she live in German ghetto? 'Cause we don't have those.
8. Watching Colleen with the penguins was a laugh. She loved to feed them the bait fish. Feeding the penguins by hand didn't even happen in the 80s. These days it's impossible to get close to them. WTF is wrong with wherever you live? Do you just randomly fuck with wildlife there?
9. My stuff was going into a storage shed for a company I had invested in several years ago, free of charge. Huh? Can you imagine how hard the tax benefits are to enter? F it. Pay cash. The risk of a GST audit is way too fight to save a couple of hundred bucks.
10. for the conspiracy charges if they were a part of anything. What conspiracy charges? Conspiracy is a charge from the state against an individual, if there were going to be state charges then it's a thing for the Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP), not some rando attorney and you haven’t mentioned turning over evidence to the police... If everyone on the planet dicked your wife and then snickers behind your back it would be a conspiracy. And all of Australia would be laughing about it confident that there would be no conspiracy charges... Look. I don't know how the US works in paranoid incel ramblings, but I suspect that in the real work it doesn't work this way either. Otherwise your laws are even more F'd up than I expected.
11. The coffee wasn't as good as back home coming from a pod, but it was passable. OK. This is where the story shits itself. A proper Melbourne coffee snob regard pods as a passable excuse for real coffee. Anything that doesn't have a barista involved is some level of swill, you're just selecting how much veggie mulch there is in there. Then later “coffee, made fresh, of course.” Mel get’s it!
12. Mel finds out that Iona and the MC are looking for a house and immediately moves into house hunting mode… Yeah. That’s fair. Property is a national obsession in the middle/upper classes.
13. “a new Jeep that I bought Iona” I guess they exist. I’ve seen the stores. I’ve probably seen one on the streets. I just can’t imagine why someone would want one. Was Toyota and Mercedes and BMW on a 24 month backlog? And assuming they were, why not buy something good? Seriously – you’re idea of a good car is not an Australian idea of a good car.
14. I’m pretty sure out “attempted murder” durations are shorter than that. We try to give more than we’d pay for “attempted Chemistry” but less than “Doing something that actually succeeded”. 35 years without parole (your punishment for attempted murder) sounds more like the sentence for “Gunning down a police officer in broad daylight while gloating about how you’re going to eat a baby on national TV.”
15. “The trial judge immediately granted the divorce based on the crimes against me.” Are you on drugs? The judge doing the trial on an attempted murder case couldn’t care less about your “I wanna be divorced case”. One’s a state attempted murder trial and the other is a federal court for divorce. If the state judge “approved the divorce” they’d be taken to the state parliament and removed from office (just kidding – they’d be pressured to step down).
16. “I had Damien reach out to the adoption agency” OK. That agency is called “The State of Victoria”. Best of luck adopting the kid. Victoria doesn’t give a shit, there are thousands of people who’d love to adopt. And, given that the mother is going to prison for under 10 years (nothing like 35!), it’s a permanent care arrangement, not adoption. Then you start babbling about suing the father – you understand that when you take care of a kid you have no relationship with the parents, right? You could sue “The State of Victoria”, but they don’t give a shit. And the parents are deadbeats that you can’t sue. What’s with Yanks and thinking you can sue everyone and achieve shit?
17. Christ. “set aside for her university fund. Of course, she would never need it” Of course she wouldn’t. We don’t have university funds. The closest we have is called “cash”. You can pay for a degree if you want, but you need to be too stupid to get into the publicly funded degree to pay cash.
In summary, decent tale, but please set the next story in Canada so I can imagine it makes sense there. And fuck me, but the idea of a world that has a legal system that works like this makes me weep for America. I hope it’s just you portraying the system there badly.