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“Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”
“You face is transparent, your enjoyment, your pleasure at the sight of me, it's tangible. Physical.”
--”Your face…”
You excel at minutely describing every sexual sensation from her point of view; it’s very erotic, detailed, sensory and intimate. Some authors skimp on this but you really begin and deepen the bond with each sentence.
“Banging on the wall. It doesn't matter. The walls are solid concrete. Thick and soundproof.”
Fragmenting the sentences matches the way he hammers her physically and emotionally and I think it’s a wonderful device--however, be careful it’s not overused so the story doesn’t take on a fragmented feel.
You relay the sense this farang (Thai for “white/European foreigner”) only uses her for his pleasure, although the novelty is she wishes to please him and you reveal this to us, although just midway down page 1 I already start feeling sorry for her because of how this will likely end.
Okay, I gasp, my heart pounding as you peel the condom of your cock.
“...off your cock.”
Interesting how you contrast him starting gentle and then using her when you paint her thinking that when she was interrupted making breakfast.
You hit us right between the eyes with his denials once he sobers in the morning and it hurts to read her thoughts and reactions. How sad! Even though I’m a fellow resident of the state this fictional character is, I’d want to hunt him down for using her like that. What a bastard! It even makes me wonder if this reflects how most Thai females view American males. Your story comments about the Thai social life from her standpoint, of earning more money than her dad in a month, and doing this to invest to help the family and especially her sister to go to school. Wow.
Your story led me to look up several of the references, like yaa-baa which was methamphetamine.
This hits a reader right between the eyes and despite it being erotica and fiction, it damn sure sounds real in so many ways I’ve mentioned. What a terrible existence to live, day after day! Good writing describes but great writing involves us far more. You succeeded in so many ways that this is a hands-down 5. Well done.

Resistance is obedience and obedience is pleasure!
Resistance is obedience and obedience is pleasure!
Resistance is obedience and obedience is pleasure!
OMG im awake and my penis is throbbing!

GOD IS DEAD
GOD IS DEAD
GOD IS DEAD
GOD IS DEAD
GOD IS DEAD

The story is what is important and it is great, what is not so important is a few typos!!

This is so perfect.... Pace is great, tension is great, characterization is great. Love it!